Citrus Dreams

"I used to think I was a lemon."

When I raised my eyebrows waiting for a response, he smiled, and moved on without an explanation. I still have no idea what he meant, or how serious he was.

Only a few short minutes later he said...
"I wish I had tons of excess money, so I could buy a fallout shelter or missle silo."

Perhaps that's how lemons dream.

Ironic

Today I got a phone call from my boyfriend, he was laughing hysterically.

Between laughs he managed to explain to me, that everyone at the company he works for, no longer had working cell phones or internet. No one could do any work, because apparently the company had not paid the phone bill... he works for a telecom company.

He sent me this....

Uh, admitting you have imaginary friends is admitting you are insane, right?

Oh Really?

I glanced over at my boyfriend the other night and noticed his very serious face as he stares at the computer screen.

I ask "What has you so interested?" He leans to the side so I can take a peek... he is half way down the page on a NASA government site, knee deep in mathematical formulas.

I say "Babe, most people take a few years of university trigonometry and calculus before they start attempting that sort of thing."

His reply "Yeah, yeah, I know... but Im sure by the time I get to the end, I will figure out this middle stuff."

Sad thing is, he sort of did.

And I quote...

"I'd open my window, but sadly my sub machine gun is in the way."

Gratuitous piece shot.

Call Weight Watchers, they are about to go bankrupt.

"You know when you get a bad flu for a few days and lose six pound?"

"Yes" I reply.

He says "Well, I'm thinking if I could manage to get a flu like that for a few weeks, I'd be back to the perfect weight."

Snap, crackle, pop!

Recently he has been mentioning problems with his ears popping. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the sinus infections that seem to be bothering everyone this season.

So we are having a nice little chat via msn and all of a sudden he types "OUCH!" and I'm like "What's wrong?"

Now even with the knowledge that we both get headaches in a direct result to severe changes in the barometric pressure, I am still not expecting this little ditty.

"My EARS are popping!" he says "WTF... all I am doing is just sitting here."
I respond with "Sinus" (the same thing I have been saying all week about it) but he comes back with THIS... "Grrrr at my barometer HEAD!"

I just couldn't stop laughing.

Chemical Warfare...

He had a rare day of no work, jobs, chores or errands... and somewhere in between him telling me about his movie watching, popcorn eating, he mentions how he started mixing random household chemicals to see how volatile of a reaction he could get.

Lesson learnt ... Free Time + Bored Insane Boyfriend = Badness

Being products of the 80s....

We were both watching this vid...




After scanning the comments, he laments "Actually, Cyndi Lauper covered the song. It's originally done by a dude named Robert Hazard way back in '79."

He then says "I had NO idea, I really thought it was hers."
I responded... "Nah, I dont think much was hers, she was a 'cover' queen!"
He says, "Well, the waffle iron head hair style was hers!"

Perogies....

After deep frying some perogies he was waiting for them to cool off...

He isn't always a patient man, takes one bite, burns the roof of his mouth and says...
"Man, I'm SO going to insulate my next home with perogies!

Romantic? Almost.

He sends me a Sesame Street video,

and says...

"I know thats how ~I~ feel when MY triangle isnt here."

Awwww... how sweet, then he adds... "Kisses my babe, and her LOWER triangle."

Yep, thats romance.

Of course you are.

So the other day, while on the phone I asked "So what are you doing?"

His reply "Building a perpetual motion machine."

Fly power

So yesterday we are cuddling in bed, and this is what comes out of his mouth... "You know the one thing I really want to do before I die." I assume something exotic or death defying. But I would be wrong.

This is what he says "I want to harness the power of flies by affixing their bodies to paper aeroplanes."



Wow, dream small, babe!

Empathy for Van Gogh's girlfriend.

Often, to show he is thinking about me during his long work day, he will snap a pic or two things he wants to share with me

I am used to opening my email and finding a few pics of sights from the city he works in. In fact, not to long ago he was working in a nice hotel so snapped a pic of one of my favourite flowers (awwww, how sweat eh?) but nothing would prepare me for this pic a few days later.
Yep, thats a dead rat! Ummm errrr.... gee thanks?
Ok, granted, its not an ear in the mail, but still a bit gross, giggle.

Animal Envy....

So after a very long day at work he called me and we were chatting. He says "Wow, what I could use right now, more than ANYTHING" (yes, at this point I'm thinking food or sex, but nope... he says) "is a great back scratch."

I reply "Well I'm sorry I'm so far away, I cant really help you with that."

I expected him to say "Oh its ok." but instead... this is what I got.
"Sometimes I'm really jealous of cows. They have those lines of nails they get to walk under."





Yep! Animal envy has to be a case for insanity.

Well that has to be proof!

A few weeks ago I pulled a little prank on him which caused a bit of temporary confusion and at the height this confusion I *might* have implied he was losing his mind just a bit. After he caught on to the prank and realised I had just been pulling his leg... he started to sing a song he made up. In a sing song voice for numerous blocks he sang his little ditty. The lyrics went something like this, "I'm not insane, I'm not insane, la la - de la da, I'm not insane." The song was a familiar tune... perhaps Homer Simpson singing "I am so Smart."

In a very serious voice I asked "How can you be so sure you aren't insane?" hoping to just put a wee bit of doubt in his mind.

With total confidence (and completely deadpan) he replies "Because I have a song."

Who can argue with that logic?

He says... she says....

So while he regaling me with interesting tales of his everyday life, he blurts out "I should have a blog."

I say... "Yes. Of course you should. So why don't you?"

"Oh, its not my sort of thing."


Um... ok.

*since it's "not his sort of thing", and (as he clearly knows) it is MY sort of thing and instead of being insulted by his clear lack of interest in all things blogging I will present MY version... which may or may not just be a tangible list of proof of why I believe he is truly insane.